We are home. All my guys are under one roof!! It is wonderful and a bit surreal. It has been a crazy ride. As I sit here in the quiet house and all the family sleeps, I decided to write a long over due blog post while I wait for Caleb's 11 feeding. I need to shift his meal times gradually over a few days, but tonight I feel like he has had enough changes for one day. We all have had enough for a week.
Over the past 3 days we have had "the perfect storms" collide here at Casa de Spence. Joshua got a cold that he shared with Eric who tried to share it with me. I have managed to ward it off, but my guys, not so much. So, in the midst of travelling to Norfolk every day and trying to balance time with my bigger boy, we have been fighting sickness. Then 3 nights ago, Joshua woke at 1 am with a fever of 104.6. By the time we arrived at the ER at 1:30, the fever had climbed to 105.8! Scary stuff, ya'll. I have never seen my almost 3 year old look like he did that night. The docs never did figure out what it was. The thought it looked like Roseola, but he never got the lacy rash. I have no idea, so I am calling it the phantom fever. Nutso. A spontaneous visit to the ER on May 26, our 15th wedding anniversary, was how we kicked off the "celebration." We closed it that night with a dinner to Outback and a visit to the NICU to see our Littler Boy. Not the romantic getaway to Chincoteague that we had planned, but I would not trade it for the world. (Well, except that 105.8 fever and trip to ER. That I would change.)
Now Joshua, on top of all the changes in his little life, has an impromptu case of the hives. He gets these every spring, but the time isn't great. The poor little guy was out of his mind tonight. Itching, coughing, over-tired, over-stimulated, and trying to adapt to life as big brother, he could not seem to rest tonight. It took Eric over 2 hours to get him to go to sleep. ONLY Daddy could do that because Joshua didn't want anyone else. Good daddy. Overall, I think Joshua loves his brother. He was so cute touching him and saying "This is my brother, Cay-love. He is tiny. You brought him home!" He was so cute. I think those two will be best buds.
We are so thankful that Eric's parents made the 7+ hour trip up from SC to help with Joshua and well, everything else. And it has been nice for Joshua to remain in his house for several days instead of with all the wonderful people who have watched him during the days so I could go to Norfolk. I don't know what I would have done with our church family. Several families volunteered to keep Joshua. Our pastor's wife said she would be our "go to" person for care...and Joshua LOVES her boys. I think he had more fun with her than with mommy. HA! Mommy is boring, Mrs. Katie is cool. When Katie was unavailable, 4 other families helped out too. I am so grateful. And 2 meals arrived at our house last week on days when I thought I would drop with exhaustion. It has been amazing.
As I sit here in the dark and prepare to go get that littler boy for a late night snack and set my alarm for the early morning one, I am grateful. My heart is so full. My head hurts and my body aches, but my heart is full. The road to this point has been hard. Really hard, but I love having all my family under one roof. It is worth it all. Goodnight, folks. More another time.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Day 12 (I think, maybe?) - For the Love of a Baby Boy
Hello, Friends. It has been a few days since I last updated the official blog. I haven't had time to sit and think...and stay awake. Facebook has been my "go to" for real time updates, so a lot of this blog will be already known to many of you. It has been crazy! Here is what is going on...
Caleb is doing well. He is still in the NICU, but he is doing well. He is looking so good! His little head and cheeks are filling out. He is changing right before our eyes.He is eating very well and is overall a pretty chill little boy. He is still having the Brady events, and they have reset the going home time 2 times. While the events are not truly life threatening, the doctors want to keep an eye on him a bit longer. So, now we hope for this Saturday (5/28). We shall see.
The best news is that we signed the Secure Placement Agreement today!! Caleb is officially our forever boy!! We have known that since the beginning of time Caleb was ordained to be our child!! We just had to make it all legal-like.
All along the way, we have seen God so wonderful things! It has been a very bumpy ride. It has been a very long wait. We are tired. We have been stretched beyond what we thought possible. Through it all GOD has carried us. And we would do it all over again All For the Love of a little boy.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Day 8 - "Flip Flop" Kind of a Days
Yesterday I went into the Special Care Unit and saw that they had the feeding tube out of Caleb! He has been consistently taking bottle by mouth and needed only a few reminders at each feeding! I was overjoyed. Then they told me that it looked like he would discharge Thursday, Friday, or Saturday. Say What?! We were over thrilled! I spent longer at the hospital on Wednesday so that I could go get his car seat to them for a 90 minute sit test (who knew?)...and figured I would rather enjoy my son then look at the bumpers of the rush hour traffic. lol
This morning I scurried around finding bottles, and formula, and diaper bag, and all the other little things I would need sooner rather than later if he did indeed come home on Thursday. I admit that I was feeling a bit nervous about bringing such a little one home. I wasn't so sure but I knew that God would never put me where He wouldn't give strength.
When we arrived at the hospital this morning, we found out that he would not discharge today because they wanted to watch a few more things over night. No biggie. We would find out when he would discharge when the doctors did their rounds at 10. So we waited. Baby Boy sucked down a bottle and lots of cuddles given and then came the docs. They gave his report and said that he would go home tomorrow!!! Whoohooo!! We called our social worker to set things up. We called the pediatrician to set up first visit. We called family and updated FB (So none of this news up to here is new to you FB peeps.)
Two hours later, baby boy was asleep on his daddy when the bells and alarms on his monitor went off. He was in a "Brady" as the staff called it. This is when the baby's heart rate drops suddenly to a below normal level and maintains that range for any length of time. These incidents are common in pre-term babies since the part of the brain that teaches them to breathe/suck/swallow are still developing. While the occurrence of Brady's are scary, they do not pose any serious threat in and of themselves. The length of time, the drop in other vitals, and whether or not they self correct with out stimulation are areas they monitor. Caleb's went 20 seconds. While the other vitals did not change and he did self-correct, the length of the episode caused the docs to "reset" the monitor period. So, all in all we wait another 5-7 days for Caleb to come home.Now that I am over the initial shock of everything, I am relieved that he will be getting the monitoring he needs. Eric and I (and the staff) only want what is best for our boy.
So, Caleb doesn't get to come for another week. We maintain the course we have set and visit daily and wait for our boy to get stronger and more "mature." He is in a good place. I am so grateful for the Special Care Unit. I want him home, but only when it is best for him to be here. The Docs are smart people who study along time to do what they do. We are gonna rely on their knowledge and keep our boy under their care.
Thanks for the prayers and love. Our bigger boy is cared for daily some pretty awesome people who have my gratitude. It is so nice to be able to leave him knowing he is probably having more fun with his friends than he even does at home. HA! Mommy is boring he told me. Almost 2 year olds say crazy things. I leave you with one more "Joshua-ism" to make you laugh.
Last night I asked Joshua if he wanted Caleb to come home. Joshua said, "Yes, maybe I can fart with him." I sighed and laughed and know that this is only the beginning of life with boys. I am no stranger to it. I grew up with 3 brothers. Life is gonna get crazy!
Goodnight, friends. This mama is worn out. Thanks for your prayers. Your prayers are touching our lives, as well as the lives of the staff and other babies. (I told them there were hundreds of people praying for them.)
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Day 7 - "Birthdays" and Bottles
Today Caleb is 2 weeks old! Eric and I are baffled that it has only been 2 weeks that we have known about him. Lotsa life lived in those 2 weeks.
The name Caleb means "whole-hearted." The name Aiden means "little fire." He is a spunky little spark plug for sure. I have a feeling this little boy will go on to defy the odds. Yesterday he took THREE bottles and ate each of them in the allotted 20 minute goal window. (He has 10-20 minutes to finish 1.5 ounces of formula via bottle before they transfer to feeding tube.) Yesterday morning he ate in 15 minutes. (He was alert and very hungry!) The next feeding I GOT TO FEED HIM with the help of the Neonatal Occupational Therapist (OT). He showed me how to remind Caleb to eat. Essentially, we are training him to do a consistent feed without forgetting what he is doing or going to sleep totally. Caleb ended up eating the whole bottle with coaxing. Then they tube fed him at 2. At 5, Eric was with him. They put him on the tube feed, but Eric noticed that Caleb was making sucking motions with his lips and acting like he WANTED to actually eat the bottle. When Eric pointed this out to the nurse, she was pleasantly surprised and agreed. So, Eric got to feed Caleb...and he ate the whole bottle with a bit of coaxing. I almost cried. Ok, so maybe I did cry. The problem isn't actually just eating, he can do that. The problem is that he needs to gain the skills to suck and breathe and consistently eat without reminding...and to not have his heart rate take dips when he forgets to breathe in between. (Those dips are called "Bradys" and are typical of preemies, but mommy doesn't like them.) Multitasking feeding/breathing skills are usually developed between 36-38 weeks gestation. He would only be 36 weeks today. So, there is time. He will get it. For now, I am thrilled that he is even wanting a bottle instead of the easy route of tube feeding. He sure hates that tube though. I can imagine that it feels like something is stuck in the back of his throat, much like we feel when thick mucus is stuck in our throats. So.not.fun. I have been telling Caleb that the only way he can get that nasty tube out of his nose is to actually take a whole bottle. I tell him that he needs to show the staff that he is smart and has "got skills." lol Our little firecracker must want to go home. Prayers are working people. =)
I can hardly wait to see him this afternoon. But this morning, I get spend some more time with our bigger boy. =O)
The name Caleb means "whole-hearted." The name Aiden means "little fire." He is a spunky little spark plug for sure. I have a feeling this little boy will go on to defy the odds. Yesterday he took THREE bottles and ate each of them in the allotted 20 minute goal window. (He has 10-20 minutes to finish 1.5 ounces of formula via bottle before they transfer to feeding tube.) Yesterday morning he ate in 15 minutes. (He was alert and very hungry!) The next feeding I GOT TO FEED HIM with the help of the Neonatal Occupational Therapist (OT). He showed me how to remind Caleb to eat. Essentially, we are training him to do a consistent feed without forgetting what he is doing or going to sleep totally. Caleb ended up eating the whole bottle with coaxing. Then they tube fed him at 2. At 5, Eric was with him. They put him on the tube feed, but Eric noticed that Caleb was making sucking motions with his lips and acting like he WANTED to actually eat the bottle. When Eric pointed this out to the nurse, she was pleasantly surprised and agreed. So, Eric got to feed Caleb...and he ate the whole bottle with a bit of coaxing. I almost cried. Ok, so maybe I did cry. The problem isn't actually just eating, he can do that. The problem is that he needs to gain the skills to suck and breathe and consistently eat without reminding...and to not have his heart rate take dips when he forgets to breathe in between. (Those dips are called "Bradys" and are typical of preemies, but mommy doesn't like them.) Multitasking feeding/breathing skills are usually developed between 36-38 weeks gestation. He would only be 36 weeks today. So, there is time. He will get it. For now, I am thrilled that he is even wanting a bottle instead of the easy route of tube feeding. He sure hates that tube though. I can imagine that it feels like something is stuck in the back of his throat, much like we feel when thick mucus is stuck in our throats. So.not.fun. I have been telling Caleb that the only way he can get that nasty tube out of his nose is to actually take a whole bottle. I tell him that he needs to show the staff that he is smart and has "got skills." lol Our little firecracker must want to go home. Prayers are working people. =)
I can hardly wait to see him this afternoon. But this morning, I get spend some more time with our bigger boy. =O)
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Day 6 Of Babies and Medical Technology
Babies shouldn't come with wires, just sayin. That being said, I am very grateful for those wires and tubes. 50 years ago, my child would not have survived an early birth. In fact, most of the 48 babies in our NICU would never have survived early births and other birth/health complications. I truly have been impressed and am so grateful for modern technology and medical science. Despite all the bad in the world now, I am grateful to live in such an advanced age where all sorts of medicine, knowledge, and helps are available to the common people. I don't think I will take that for granted ever again. That medical science monitors my son's heart rate, blood oxygen level, and a myriad of other things. And not just his vitals, but the vitals of all 15 other preemies in the unit...and the other 2 units just like ours. A tiny tube runs from an automatic feeding machine to his nose to his belly and feeds him what he is unable to eat orally and sustains his life. Alarms go off when numbers drop or rise into certain ranges. Reminders tell when the food or medicine has been completely administered, They can give IV's of fluid. They can monitor the weight of urine and stool output to make sure the body is doing what it is supposed to. There are all sorts of medicines to help with every facet of baby well-being. There are warmers and special lights to help stimulate micro preemies to continue to grow and thrive. It truly is amazing!
And let me give a shout out to NICU nurses, doctors, and staff! Trained Medical professionals are cutting edge nowadays! It seems there is no limit to what they can learn to use to help these precious itty bitties. What an amazing group of people! They are truly special in the way they care for the teeny tiny babies with gentleness and smiles. And they don't get upset when a mama asks lots of questions or when the same mama asks for another pacy since her son decided to throw his on the floor again today. (He is a feisty little peanut.)
Sitting in that NICU with a birds-eye view of the master heart monitor and listening to the alarms go off all day, has reminded me how fragile life can be. And when I say fragile, I mean 2,3,4,5 pounds of skin and bones fighting for breath and the right to live. I am appalled that people even think that life should be terminated, and see how foolish those same people are when I look around the NICU at the 29-34 week premature little babies whom the staff are fighting to keep alive and whom have the same needs as all the rest of us. I am also reminded to pray for the little ones and their families. I don't know all the stories. I don't know what their little ones are facing. I can't hear what the doctors are saying to the weary mamas and papas. But I know how they feel. They wear the love for their children the same way I wear the love for mine. Our faces show what our hearts feel. We don't have to hide here in the NICU room of "semi-commonality". We all GET IT. So, as I there holding my precious boy and hear the monitors go off and watch the little vitals bounce all over the place, I am reminded to pray. What a gift that has been for me. As I watch those parents' faces drop because they have gotten presumably not good news, I can pray. As those nurses scurry around caring for their young charges, I can pray. And then, I can offer smiles and a kind word. I have been amazed at how far those simple things go.
As hard as it is to leave my older child and drive to hold my younger child, this time in the NICU has been worth it. I have a birds-eye and inside-view to beauty and pain, hardship and victory, and the miraculous grace of God who is the giver of all things. Somehow, I don't think my life will ever be the same, and for that, I am grateful.
And let me give a shout out to NICU nurses, doctors, and staff! Trained Medical professionals are cutting edge nowadays! It seems there is no limit to what they can learn to use to help these precious itty bitties. What an amazing group of people! They are truly special in the way they care for the teeny tiny babies with gentleness and smiles. And they don't get upset when a mama asks lots of questions or when the same mama asks for another pacy since her son decided to throw his on the floor again today. (He is a feisty little peanut.)
Sitting in that NICU with a birds-eye view of the master heart monitor and listening to the alarms go off all day, has reminded me how fragile life can be. And when I say fragile, I mean 2,3,4,5 pounds of skin and bones fighting for breath and the right to live. I am appalled that people even think that life should be terminated, and see how foolish those same people are when I look around the NICU at the 29-34 week premature little babies whom the staff are fighting to keep alive and whom have the same needs as all the rest of us. I am also reminded to pray for the little ones and their families. I don't know all the stories. I don't know what their little ones are facing. I can't hear what the doctors are saying to the weary mamas and papas. But I know how they feel. They wear the love for their children the same way I wear the love for mine. Our faces show what our hearts feel. We don't have to hide here in the NICU room of "semi-commonality". We all GET IT. So, as I there holding my precious boy and hear the monitors go off and watch the little vitals bounce all over the place, I am reminded to pray. What a gift that has been for me. As I watch those parents' faces drop because they have gotten presumably not good news, I can pray. As those nurses scurry around caring for their young charges, I can pray. And then, I can offer smiles and a kind word. I have been amazed at how far those simple things go.
As hard as it is to leave my older child and drive to hold my younger child, this time in the NICU has been worth it. I have a birds-eye and inside-view to beauty and pain, hardship and victory, and the miraculous grace of God who is the giver of all things. Somehow, I don't think my life will ever be the same, and for that, I am grateful.
Day 5 - The last Facebook Repost for all you Non-FB Users ;)
Day 5.
(From Facebook) - I need to switch all this info to our blog because that would be the most logical place to update everyone, especially since not everyone has Facebook. Maybe I can copy all these posts to the blog this weekend when I have some down time and I find my brain. LOL (For all you non Facebook people, I apologize that I have let you hanging. I am going to endeavor to do better.)
Anyways, yesterday was a good day with Caleb. I got to hold him for over 4 hours, some with skin to skin. He is so sweet and I can't get over how tiny he is. Since he is transferred to the bassinet, he has lost weight some it is not at birth weight now. He took a bottle yesterday morning for the nurse. I will have to see how she did overnight when I get there this morning.
I am so grateful that he is as healthy as he is. As I sit there in a room full of preemies , I am just think we aware of how fragile life really is. I'll probably write a blog on that topic alone here in the near future. It's just a matter of finding time to actually write a blog. Voice texting while I continue on my duties as the easiest thing for me to do.
Yesterday we were supposed to meet the birth family but they could not make the appointment so it got postponed to possibly Thursday maybe later. I'm cool if it waits till later but I would love to meet them and hug their necks and tell them thank you for the gift of Caleb. The birth mother's rights terminated yesterday at 5 p.m. The birth father's rights terminate on Friday at 5 p.m. I believe I heard the Lord tell me this is my son so I'm clinging to that instead of the nagging voice of fear that buzzing around my head like an annoying fly. I'll choose peace over fear, and it really is a choice , because fear has rattled around my head for so long that it thinks it has a right there. I gave that to Christ a long time ago but I still struggle.
Anyways, our house is clean and ready for a the final walk-through by our social worker. Because it has been over six months since they were last here (actually it has been over 20 months), they have to check and make sure that everything that was there previously is still in place. I was grateful the meeting got cancelled last night so that we could come home and clean our house. I have an amazing husband. He rolled up his sleeves and dug into the cleaning with me, and even ate a dinner that was edible but that was about it.
I'm off to Norfolk this morning and Eric will get to go this evening. I'm probably going to skip Bible study and spend time with Joshua here at home , and maybe transfer all this text to our blog for our non-facebook friends... and for all you Facebook Savvy people as well.
I can't wait till Friday after 5 when I can show you pictures of our darling boy. I still can't believe he's ours. When I change his diaper or his onesie it feels like I'm playing dolls. Only those darn hoses and wires remind me that he's a very real little boy. His baby clothes are so small that they look like something that would go on a baby doll and not on a little peanut of a boy. I will update you all later. Hope you have a good day. thank you for your continued prayers for our little family. ( and when you pray could you remember the babies that are in the NICU with Caleb and their families? )
Anyways, yesterday was a good day with Caleb. I got to hold him for over 4 hours, some with skin to skin. He is so sweet and I can't get over how tiny he is. Since he is transferred to the bassinet, he has lost weight some it is not at birth weight now. He took a bottle yesterday morning for the nurse. I will have to see how she did overnight when I get there this morning.
I am so grateful that he is as healthy as he is. As I sit there in a room full of preemies , I am just think we aware of how fragile life really is. I'll probably write a blog on that topic alone here in the near future. It's just a matter of finding time to actually write a blog. Voice texting while I continue on my duties as the easiest thing for me to do.
Yesterday we were supposed to meet the birth family but they could not make the appointment so it got postponed to possibly Thursday maybe later. I'm cool if it waits till later but I would love to meet them and hug their necks and tell them thank you for the gift of Caleb. The birth mother's rights terminated yesterday at 5 p.m. The birth father's rights terminate on Friday at 5 p.m. I believe I heard the Lord tell me this is my son so I'm clinging to that instead of the nagging voice of fear that buzzing around my head like an annoying fly. I'll choose peace over fear, and it really is a choice , because fear has rattled around my head for so long that it thinks it has a right there. I gave that to Christ a long time ago but I still struggle.
Anyways, our house is clean and ready for a the final walk-through by our social worker. Because it has been over six months since they were last here (actually it has been over 20 months), they have to check and make sure that everything that was there previously is still in place. I was grateful the meeting got cancelled last night so that we could come home and clean our house. I have an amazing husband. He rolled up his sleeves and dug into the cleaning with me, and even ate a dinner that was edible but that was about it.
I'm off to Norfolk this morning and Eric will get to go this evening. I'm probably going to skip Bible study and spend time with Joshua here at home , and maybe transfer all this text to our blog for our non-facebook friends... and for all you Facebook Savvy people as well.
I can't wait till Friday after 5 when I can show you pictures of our darling boy. I still can't believe he's ours. When I change his diaper or his onesie it feels like I'm playing dolls. Only those darn hoses and wires remind me that he's a very real little boy. His baby clothes are so small that they look like something that would go on a baby doll and not on a little peanut of a boy. I will update you all later. Hope you have a good day. thank you for your continued prayers for our little family. ( and when you pray could you remember the babies that are in the NICU with Caleb and their families? )
May 16 Repost from Facebook Since I failed to update my blog.
Yesterday was a good day all around. Church was great. Celebrating with our church family was awesome. Taking Joshua to meet his brother was definitely a memory worth preserving. I think Caleb became more real to Joshua once he got to touch him. He did very well for the hour he was in the room. Course he lost interest after a little bit because all Caleb does is lay there. But I think they will be best buds in no time. Not sure if we're going to bring Joshua down there again because the NICU is really not a place for a child so small and he gets pretty restless. We're just going to hope that Caleb comes home sooner rather than later.
I think the best surprise of all was when we walked into the NICU and Caleb was in a bassinet instead of the incubator! That was the first mile marker on the journey towards coming home. The little guy needs to learn to take bottles. Doctors and nurses say that it's just because he was so early and that portion of his brain is not developed yet. He'll learn. I get to go down today and hold him for 4 hours. I will probably do a lot of skin-to-skin and Kangaroo time with him. Thank you for your love and continued prayers. Our needs are few at this time with the exception of much prayer.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Not Your Typical Friday 13th and a Very Long Blog
My previous blog referenced a baby for whom we were shown but that we hadn't heard anything. How quickly life changes.
On May 4 we didn't know we were falling in love with a baby we had only just heard about. We longed for him in a way that was very unusual for us. We had been shown to birth families before but had only hopeful wishes not intense longing. I had never really obsessed about a specific baby. I had never before wanted to rush to the NICU to scoop up a little one and hold him until his family was chosen (whether it was us or not). This time was different.
Monday, May 9 - I emailed our social worker to see what the baby's status was. She said that they were still trying to reach the birth dad but a few profiles had been selected. They were hoping to have a match by the week's end. I was glad to hear that we were still possibly "in the running" for this little boy. I was also preparing myself to be sad when we found out that we weren't chosen. I knew I would not be devastated, but I would be sad. I felt such a draw to this little one.
On May 10 at 1:19 pm I was standing in my kitchen washing dishes or eating lunch or something (I can't remember what.) I had actually NOT been thinking about baby boy for a little bit, as I had been trying to quit worrying about him. Then, out of no where, I heard/felt a voice say, "This is your son." I was a bit freaked out and thought maybe I was on the crazy train. I had had some health problems that have made me have a bit more hormones in my body and make me feel a bit off, so I attributed it to that. I didn't even tell Eric that I had "heard" it because I knew he would think I was nuts. I let it go, but couldn't shake the calmness that enveloped me.
I transferred the money we would need for final placement and told myself and Eric that it needed to be done "just in case." I found the baby carrier and car seat, washed the cloth portions, and wiped down the plastic, again "just in case." I figured that even if we weren't chosen this time, we would be eventually. I couldn't hurt to be a little prepared. Joshua asked me lots of questions about the baby stuff. He insisted that he wanted a sister. I wondered what he would think if God gave us a this boy...
Wednesday, May 11 was Eric's 38th birthday.It was a really good day for us. I think he enjoyed the fun things I planned throughout the day. He mentioned how great it would be to get a call that we had been chosen. We joked a bit about it. We also left that baby in the hands of the One who had already ordained from before time began which family he would join.
Thursday, May 12. Joshua was previewing the preschool at our church. I dropped him off at 9:15 with promises that I would be in the church office and filter in and out to check on him because if he saw me, he would be distracted from preschool. So, I left him with the fabulous teachers and let them know I was just a few yards away in the office.
At 9:30am, my phone rang. My heart stopped. It was a local number that I had never seen, but I knew. I.just.knew. When I answered it, the friendly voice of our social worker greeted me. (She had never called me from her cell before.) After a few pleasantries she told us that we had been chosen to parent the baby boy born on May 4. I began to cry. Then laugh. Then cry some more. Since I was the church office, Eric came out of his office to see what was going on. When he saw my face, he knew. I think he knew the moment he heard my cry. Actually, I think we had "known" all along.
The office staff curiously peaked out the office door. When they realized what was happening, they began to cry with us. The rest is kind of a blur. I can remember asking our Social worker when we could see him. She said they had to make us Legal Guardians with the hospital so we could have access to him and that would need to take the rest of the day. We could meet him the next morning. Well, when you have been waiting 20 months, what were another 24 hours?!
The rest of the day was a flurry of phone calls and child care plans. My phone battery died. My ears hurt from being on the phone all day. My head hurt from crying and absorbing information. It was all so surreal...and I would not trade a moment of it. It.Was.Amazing.
On Friday, May 13, we arrived at the hospital 30 minutes early. We met our social worker a little after 10 and then went up to MEET OUR SON!!! Eric saw him first. I was trying to absorb the room filled with teeny tiny babies!! And then I saw him. Caleb Aiden Spence had a mommy and daddy...and we had another beautiful son.
Caleb was born on May 4 at 34 weeks gestation. He weighed 5 lbs 9 oz and is 21 inches long. He is doing very well. He is on a feeding tube because he wont take a bottle consistently yet, which doesn't help him gain weight to be able to transfer out the incubator into a little bed. The nurses call him feisty and are confident that he will progress quickly.
Eric and I are overjoyed! Joshua is excited to meet his brother "Cay-love." Angel isn't too sure about this new scent we brought home on a blanket. I think we are going to be just fine. It is going to be a crazy 2-3 weeks. Caleb can't come home for a bit, but I am going to Norfolk every day to hold him for as long as they will let me, which is about 4 hours.
Tonight, we go to bed so very tired, but incredibly grateful. We have another son. Another beautiful and so tiny little boy. A little miracle wrapped in preemie diapers and too big newborn clothes. We are so blessed. Thank you for your prayers for us to bring home another child. Please continue to pray for Caleb to grow strong and to take his bottles regularly. Also, please for the legal process, as the revocation period (the time the birth families have change their minds and decide to parent) is up next Friday at 5pm. Please pray for me to drive safely back and forth to Norfolk every day. Please pray for Eric and I as we learn to balance life with 2 kids and especially right now as we have to leave Joshua with friends everyday to see Caleb.
Life just took a crazy good turn. And we are pumped.
At 9:30am, my phone rang. My heart stopped. It was a local number that I had never seen, but I knew. I.just.knew. When I answered it, the friendly voice of our social worker greeted me. (She had never called me from her cell before.) After a few pleasantries she told us that we had been chosen to parent the baby boy born on May 4. I began to cry. Then laugh. Then cry some more. Since I was the church office, Eric came out of his office to see what was going on. When he saw my face, he knew. I think he knew the moment he heard my cry. Actually, I think we had "known" all along.
The office staff curiously peaked out the office door. When they realized what was happening, they began to cry with us. The rest is kind of a blur. I can remember asking our Social worker when we could see him. She said they had to make us Legal Guardians with the hospital so we could have access to him and that would need to take the rest of the day. We could meet him the next morning. Well, when you have been waiting 20 months, what were another 24 hours?!
The rest of the day was a flurry of phone calls and child care plans. My phone battery died. My ears hurt from being on the phone all day. My head hurt from crying and absorbing information. It was all so surreal...and I would not trade a moment of it. It.Was.Amazing.
On Friday, May 13, we arrived at the hospital 30 minutes early. We met our social worker a little after 10 and then went up to MEET OUR SON!!! Eric saw him first. I was trying to absorb the room filled with teeny tiny babies!! And then I saw him. Caleb Aiden Spence had a mommy and daddy...and we had another beautiful son.
Caleb was born on May 4 at 34 weeks gestation. He weighed 5 lbs 9 oz and is 21 inches long. He is doing very well. He is on a feeding tube because he wont take a bottle consistently yet, which doesn't help him gain weight to be able to transfer out the incubator into a little bed. The nurses call him feisty and are confident that he will progress quickly.
Eric and I are overjoyed! Joshua is excited to meet his brother "Cay-love." Angel isn't too sure about this new scent we brought home on a blanket. I think we are going to be just fine. It is going to be a crazy 2-3 weeks. Caleb can't come home for a bit, but I am going to Norfolk every day to hold him for as long as they will let me, which is about 4 hours.
Tonight, we go to bed so very tired, but incredibly grateful. We have another son. Another beautiful and so tiny little boy. A little miracle wrapped in preemie diapers and too big newborn clothes. We are so blessed. Thank you for your prayers for us to bring home another child. Please continue to pray for Caleb to grow strong and to take his bottles regularly. Also, please for the legal process, as the revocation period (the time the birth families have change their minds and decide to parent) is up next Friday at 5pm. Please pray for me to drive safely back and forth to Norfolk every day. Please pray for Eric and I as we learn to balance life with 2 kids and especially right now as we have to leave Joshua with friends everyday to see Caleb.
Life just took a crazy good turn. And we are pumped.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Of Babies and Profiles
While we were on vacation we received an email about a little baby soon to be born. This baby was to be born on June 7. We knew of some potential medical concerns, but we released our profile to be shown knowing God was in control and that He already knew if this was our baby. Due to health complications, he was born on May 4. He was placed in NICU and is still there to my knowledge. His birth mom has many decisions to make in the near future. Her life has some long-term challenges that she will need to face and she may not be able to parent this child. I don't know of her decision. We may never know. Their stories are not mine to tell.
For some reason, I have been unusually "attached" to this baby boy. I want to rush to his location and hold him there in the NICU. I believe we were shown to this mother, but we have heard nothing yet. The lapsed time frame leads me to believe that we were not chosen again this time. While I am not devastated, I am sad. The timing of his birth, the fact that we were at the tail end of vacation, the close proximity to Eric's birthday and mother's day would have been perfect. Maybe it is the fact that we have waited almost 20 months for our baby to find us. Maybe it is the thought of a little one so delicate and needing to be held by loving arms of "his" family. I don't know. All I know is that this baby has been on my mind all weekend.
Today, I am praying for that birth mom and the decisions and challenges she faces. I am praying for a little boy who was born facing medical challenges. I am praying for the doctors and nurses who are caring for him. I am praying that maybe there will be a NICU volunteer who might perchance get to hold him and love on him. I am praying for the family who may get to see their dreams become reality as their new addition comes home. I realize that God is in control. I really want the best for that baby. He knows where our baby is, and who the perfect family is for this little one. NOTHING can stop God from bringing our child to us. Today though, my heart is longing.
Throughout this adoption process I have endeavored to be really real. To give "outsiders" a small glimpse into the heart of domestic infant adoption. To let you see that it isn't all peaches and roses. To let you know that the wait is hard and that there are lots of other families just like us who are waiting for a newborn. To let you see the miracle unfold. Our miracle is still being prepared. Our hearts are still being prepared. The wait is sooooo hard. I don't write this for sympathy. I don't write so you can suggest "other adoption paths". We firmly believe that this is where God has us and that domestic infant adoption is the answer to abortion. Writing is cathartic...and knowing that even one person is praying with us is strength enough.
Thank you.
For some reason, I have been unusually "attached" to this baby boy. I want to rush to his location and hold him there in the NICU. I believe we were shown to this mother, but we have heard nothing yet. The lapsed time frame leads me to believe that we were not chosen again this time. While I am not devastated, I am sad. The timing of his birth, the fact that we were at the tail end of vacation, the close proximity to Eric's birthday and mother's day would have been perfect. Maybe it is the fact that we have waited almost 20 months for our baby to find us. Maybe it is the thought of a little one so delicate and needing to be held by loving arms of "his" family. I don't know. All I know is that this baby has been on my mind all weekend.
Today, I am praying for that birth mom and the decisions and challenges she faces. I am praying for a little boy who was born facing medical challenges. I am praying for the doctors and nurses who are caring for him. I am praying that maybe there will be a NICU volunteer who might perchance get to hold him and love on him. I am praying for the family who may get to see their dreams become reality as their new addition comes home. I realize that God is in control. I really want the best for that baby. He knows where our baby is, and who the perfect family is for this little one. NOTHING can stop God from bringing our child to us. Today though, my heart is longing.
Throughout this adoption process I have endeavored to be really real. To give "outsiders" a small glimpse into the heart of domestic infant adoption. To let you see that it isn't all peaches and roses. To let you know that the wait is hard and that there are lots of other families just like us who are waiting for a newborn. To let you see the miracle unfold. Our miracle is still being prepared. Our hearts are still being prepared. The wait is sooooo hard. I don't write this for sympathy. I don't write so you can suggest "other adoption paths". We firmly believe that this is where God has us and that domestic infant adoption is the answer to abortion. Writing is cathartic...and knowing that even one person is praying with us is strength enough.
Thank you.
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