Of Babies and Profiles

While we were on vacation we received an email about a little baby soon to be born. This baby was to be born on June 7. We knew of some potential medical concerns, but we released our profile to be shown knowing God was in control and that He already knew if this was our baby. Due to health complications, he was born on May 4. He was placed in NICU and is still there to my knowledge. His birth mom has many decisions to make in the near future. Her life has some long-term challenges that she will need to face and she may not be able to parent this child. I don't know of her decision. We may never know. Their stories are not mine to tell.

For some reason, I have been unusually "attached" to this baby boy. I want to rush to his location and hold him there in the NICU. I believe we were shown to this mother, but we have heard nothing yet. The lapsed time frame leads me to believe that we were not chosen again this time. While I am not devastated, I am sad. The timing of his birth, the fact that we were at the tail end of vacation, the close proximity to Eric's birthday and mother's day would have been perfect. Maybe it is the fact that we have waited almost 20 months for our baby to find us. Maybe it is the thought of a little one so delicate and needing to be held by loving arms of "his" family. I don't know. All I know is that this baby has been on my mind all weekend.

Today, I am praying for that birth mom and the decisions and challenges she faces. I am praying for a little boy who was born facing medical challenges. I am praying for the doctors and nurses who are caring for him. I am praying that maybe there will be a NICU volunteer who might perchance get to hold him and love on him. I am praying for the family who may get to see their dreams become reality as their new addition comes home. I realize that God is in control. I really want the best for that baby. He knows where our baby is, and who the perfect family is for this little one. NOTHING can stop God from bringing our child to us. Today though, my heart is longing.

Throughout this adoption process I have endeavored to be really real. To give "outsiders" a small glimpse into the heart of domestic infant adoption. To let you see that it isn't all peaches and roses. To let you know that the wait is hard and that there are lots of other families just like us who are waiting for a newborn. To let you see the miracle unfold. Our miracle is still being prepared. Our hearts are still being prepared. The wait is sooooo hard. I don't write this for sympathy. I don't write so you can suggest "other adoption paths". We firmly believe that this is where God has us and that domestic infant adoption is the answer to abortion. Writing is cathartic...and knowing that even one person is praying with us is strength enough.


Thank you.